30/3/15

Growing up in Singapore one will probably drink 3 kinds of coffee in his or her life. One happens to be the coffee served in open air coffee shops or hawker centres. Another is instant coffee. The one you make by pouring hot water into a cup containing the powder. The last is the kind the barista at Starbucks hands to you.

The one served to you at coffee shops comes in a small cup, usually on top of a saucer and accompanied by a small spoon for you to stir it with. It tastes rather sweet, due to the condensed milk in it. It's almost cloying. However if you don't like it you can have it without sugar or milk. Such black coffee tastes a lot different from an espresso shot, mostly because this coffee is made by pouring water through a filter (usually a long cloth cone) containing coffee grounds, while an espresso shot is made by blasting water at high pressure through a filter containing coffee grounds. In my opinion black coffee has always tasted like hot water mixed with something. It's almost medicinal. Espresso shots taste like they're an individual fluid, not one fluid mixed with another poorly. But that doesn't mean I prefer espresso shots over black coffee. Truth to be told, I prefer neither.

Instant coffee is the one I usually drink, because it's easily available and easy to make. There are many options on the market, ranging from low sugar to low creamer ones. I usually go for the regular. Instant coffee tastes a lot like coffee shop coffee, except perhaps a little less sweeter. There's not much special about it. It just tastes like coffee mixed with milk and sugar. Manufacturers have to make sure their product can be enjoyed by the largest amount of people, after all.

Finally we come to Starbucks coffee. I usually order cappuccinos. I add some sugar syrup into the cup before I take one of those long thin sticks at the table and stir it into the coffee. I like cappuccinos because they have a lovely layer of foam. I never stir the foam into the coffee. I have no idea if that's appropriate, but whatever. After the coffee is finished there is usually quite a bit of foam left in the cup, so I scoop it out using the stick, if I haven't thrown it away. Starbucks coffee is the most expensive, thus I tend to only have it once or twice a month. Do I feel it's worth the money? Maybe. I can't tell good coffee from bad coffee. As long as it stops me from falling asleep, I'm happy.

Why Apple's plans to make a car are going to fail

Let's face it, you probably didn't know Apple was planning to make a car. The news only popped up for a bit and then the whole dress thing flared up. But in case you were wondering if Apple could actually build a car, they could but you wouldn't buy it. Why? Considering that their phones sell a lot every year and they always come up with newer versions that are either glossy or matte. And bigger. Here are some of my reasons. Which might make sense. Or maybe not.

1. It's easier to just team up with a car company and add some touchscreens to it. But would you buy an Audi with touchscreens? Granted the TouchID would be kind of cool when it comes to unlocking the doors but that's about it. It's essentially a big iPhone with wheels. And you still need an iPhone because you can't bring it to meetings. Don't ask me why Apple would team up with Audi to make a car, I just thought they'd be the only company that would do that. Can you imagine the iFerrari? I can't.

2. It's a big iPhone with wheels. Which means it'll have to look like an iPhone or noone's going to buy it. In short it'll have lots of angles and no curved surfaces at all. And everything will be covered in a thin layer of glass to make it super shiny and cool to look at. Unfortunately it's covered in a thin layer of glass. Meaning knocking into anything will ruin your car. And because it's from Apple replacement parts are unavailable and you will need to have it shipped back to HQ to fix it. Which is expensive.

3. It will be battery powered. Because Apple can't make it a petrol engine. Don't even think about the diesel version. And we all know battery powered vehicles are kind of boring. And tiny.

4. It will only be available in white and gold. Which means everyone's going to point at it and say that it's blue and black. And your life will suck from there onwards.

5. Apple will deny this, but the car will detect that you are using an Android device and lock you out. Until you leave it behind and get into the car. At which point you will request to be driven to your destination, Siri will say "I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that." and blow up the car.

This could have been a lot funnier, but I haven't written something like this for quite a while. Sorry.